Missing Mom

One of those days…


Have you ever had one of those days where you felt like a total failure? I had one of those days yesterday. It wasn’t even the entire day, mostly just the evening.

First, Ally still has rashes. Now they are more on her stomach and chest. Is it still the hand, foot, and mouth stuff? Is it heat rash? Is it chicken pox? I have no clue. The doctor did say that sometimes the hand, foot, and mouth disease causes a rash on the stomach but it seems like that’s been hanging around for so long. She doesn’t have a fever so I don’t think its chicken pox or anything contagious. How long does heat rash stay around? I don’t know. Am I infecting her entire preschool with some crazy rash disease? I don’t know. I called the doctor to leave a message for the nurse and got their after hour message which said if it was a routine question to call back during business hours. That made me think that this silly rash wasn’t worth bugging an after-hours nurse. So I hung up. But I still didn’t know what to do. Lotion? No lotion? It didn’t seem to be bothering her. I need my mom to tell me what to do.

Then I made a tasteless dinner. A pretty dinner but a tasteless one. The pretty part just made it worse because it looked like it should taste. And I decided I should try to make gravy with it. Gravy was a thing my mom did. It would frustrate her to no end, but it always ended up tasting great. Mine didn’t. I just threw it away because it didn’t taste and it was lumpy. I don’t know how to make gravy. I need my mom to teach me.

Then Ally wouldn’t stop whining. All during dinner it was whine, whine, whine. She’d whine for her milk. Then she’d whine that she wanted my water. So I got her her own water. Then she just played with her water so I took it away and she yelled “Mine!! Mine!! Mine!!” After dinner the crying and whining kept up. Chris took her with him to take out the trash so I could have a break from her which meant I had to do the dishes. Having to clean up after cooking a terrible dinner just made it worse. And sticking Chris with the whiney kid made me feel bad. I should have been able to tough out a whine attack – it was only a medium bad one. Why am I such a wimp? I need my mom to tell me that it’s okay.

The evening was capped off when getting Ally ready for bed. Brushing her teeth was a chore and then changing her diaper and putting on her pjs revealed that rash again. I asked Chris what we should do. He said he didn’t know and did I call the doctor. I could barely finish getting her diaper on because I couldn’t see through the tears welling up in my eyes. Chris looked at me like I was crazy. I just need my mom.


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